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Posts Tagged ‘communication’

The way that men and women relate to relationship is different.  This is not groundbreaking news.  However, when it comes to relationship problems, it is useful to understand how each sex relates to relationship. You can get info on Relationship Advice here.

Men don’t generally practice intimacy in the same way as women.  They don’t get much practice growing up at nurturing, empathizing, and being other focused.  It was not in their enculteration as children.

Sure, men can communicate effectively, but the way in which they communicate is usually to win and dominate.  Solving problems is a form of winning, and men often try to solve their mate’s problems when communicating.  Women also communicate just to connect, instead of just solve problems.

Men grow up to know a lot about winning and dominance and not much about connection and intimacy and love.  As a general rule, men may not know that much about how to empathize and connect and nurture others.

How did this happen?  When growing up, boys played cowboys and Indians, they played army, they played tackle football.  These are games of dominance and control.  There is nothing at all wrong with these games, it is important for boys to play and learn about dominance and boundaries as they grow.  You can get more How To Get Help For Relationships here.

Girls played with dolls.  They played house.  They had imaginary tea parties.  These are games of nurturing and socializing.  Girls actually learn and play at intimacy growing up.  This is a powerful difference.  So given the different ways genders are socialized, when it comes to building intimacy, who has the most innate skill?

Is it men, who learned early to say “I shot you, you are dead!”  Or is it women, who learned early how to nurture and empathize and socialize? 

Here’s the thing to take away from all this.  If you are a woman, dont just assume that men know what to do or how to get and stay close.  Don’t just get frustrated and want to give up.  Give them some guidance.  If you are a man, understand that it is useful at times to let women lead, to learn from them about how to connect and nurture and build intimacy.  You can learn more about Fixing Relationship Problems  here.