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Posts Tagged ‘intimacy’

Nanette Geiger, Law of Attraction Relationship Specialist, writes… Contrary to popular love advice that’s out there in cyberspace, asking your date a series of interview questions is one way for certain to turn him off and send her packing.

Seriously, put yourself in someone else’s shoes, asking you questions that you’d expect to hear on a job interview. Would that put YOU at ease? I don’t think so. The relationship advice you get from a man’s point of view, may not work from a woman’s perspective. From a woman’s point of view, a real man is a man who can communicate about what he wants and how he feels.

It’s more prevalent than ever for a real man to express her feelings and communicate openly from his heart. The ability to openly communicate is a valuable trait and a turn on for most men.

Whether you’re looking for a casual relationship or your soul mate, you must start from square one. For the best tips and Love Advice for Women the first place to start is to know what you want.

1. Knowing What You Want

What qualities in your date or mate are you looking for? Get clear about what those traits are and you’ll have an easier time knowing when you meet him. Is he funny, does she think you’re funny? Is it important to you that he likes sports? Is he interesting, well-travelled? What about sports, hobbies, politics, or food?

When you have an idea about what you want you can start sampling from what you encounter in the world or in the relationships of your friends. What do you admire about the friends who have successful relationships? What are the elements that turn you off in other peoples’ relationships? When you’re straightforward and clear about what you want, trust me, you’ll be much more able to know when he’s] the right one.

2. Be Flexible

When you’re flexible about how, when or who shows up, you’d be surprised on how much easier it is to attract the right one. I’m not suggesting that you compromise or settle for less. I’m suggesting that you stay curious about ‘what if she’s even better than I can imagine?’ It’s possible to get even more than you asked for. That’s what happened for me. I got clear about what I wanted and I stopped listening to everyone else about how hard it was to meet eligible partners.

3. “BE” the Person You’d Like to Meet

That’s right. You got clear on the qualities and values you want in your lover. Now the question is, “are you anything like the person you’d like to meet”? I hope so. If not, you know what you have to do. Start shifting your values and qualities. Then you’ll be a much greater match for your sweetie.

4. Let Go of the HOW

When you let go of the “way it’s supposed to happen” you allow the universe to works its magic. Though that may sound Woo-Woo, the truth is when you have a firm opinion about “HOW it supposed to be,” you limit yourself. You’re also in a resistant mode, which hinders your magnetic attraction.

When you’re looking, it’s much easier to find them when you know what you want. So get clear, go with the flow and be the kind of person you want to meet.

The way that men and women relate to relationship is different.  This is not groundbreaking news.  However, when it comes to relationship problems, it is useful to understand how each sex relates to relationship. You can get info on Relationship Advice here.

Men don’t generally practice intimacy in the same way as women.  They don’t get much practice growing up at nurturing, empathizing, and being other focused.  It was not in their enculteration as children.

Sure, men can communicate effectively, but the way in which they communicate is usually to win and dominate.  Solving problems is a form of winning, and men often try to solve their mate’s problems when communicating.  Women also communicate just to connect, instead of just solve problems.

Men grow up to know a lot about winning and dominance and not much about connection and intimacy and love.  As a general rule, men may not know that much about how to empathize and connect and nurture others.

How did this happen?  When growing up, boys played cowboys and Indians, they played army, they played tackle football.  These are games of dominance and control.  There is nothing at all wrong with these games, it is important for boys to play and learn about dominance and boundaries as they grow.  You can get more How To Get Help For Relationships here.

Girls played with dolls.  They played house.  They had imaginary tea parties.  These are games of nurturing and socializing.  Girls actually learn and play at intimacy growing up.  This is a powerful difference.  So given the different ways genders are socialized, when it comes to building intimacy, who has the most innate skill?

Is it men, who learned early to say “I shot you, you are dead!”  Or is it women, who learned early how to nurture and empathize and socialize? 

Here’s the thing to take away from all this.  If you are a woman, dont just assume that men know what to do or how to get and stay close.  Don’t just get frustrated and want to give up.  Give them some guidance.  If you are a man, understand that it is useful at times to let women lead, to learn from them about how to connect and nurture and build intimacy.  You can learn more about Fixing Relationship Problems  here.

Cheating is, of course, one of the biggest reasons that relationships break up.  When cheating has occurred, the other person believes “I can’t ever trust him or her again.”

That is a common refrain when cheating occurs.  Trust is essential to close, intimate, real love.  When it is broken, we feel like there is no hope for getting it back.  Even if we loved much about our mate, if they cheated on us, we don’t see how we could ever be happy again with them, how could we trust them after such a sense of betrayal.  You can learn more about how to make up after a break up after infidelity here.

For this reason trust is one of the largest problems in break ups.  Your ex is wondering if they can ever truly trust you not to cheat on them again.  Why get back together if there is just going to be more cheating?  So when break ups happen due to cheating, on of the big issue on your ex’s mind is

I can’t ever trust you again.

I mean, if they rejected you because of some problem behavior, like cheating, or fighting, or not communicating with them, then they need to know BEFORE they let you come back that you wont keep doing the thing they left you about.

But the feeling of broken trust is one of the hardest things for an ex to get over.  After all, we usually feel like trust gets built over a long time.  Emotionally, we believe when trust is broken that our relationship can’t be fixed, right?

It is crucial for you to understand the trust issue if you want to get back with your ex.  You must deal with their feelings of distance and betrayal and lack of trust or you can’t expect to get back with your ex.  Even if you get “lucky” and they give you a second chance, without trust it probably won’t last.  That’s because the love and intimacy we all want to feel can’t be felt when there is no trust.

How might you deal with your ex’s lack of trust?  It’s a complex answer, but one thing that often happens after cheating is we try to avoid the blame.  We try to say it wasn’t our fault.  We say “I drank too much,” or “You were mean to me!”  When a relationship buster like infidelity has happened, we will almost naturally try to avoid taking the blame. 

If you give those types of excuses to your ex, they will often think even worse of you and any chances of getting back together.  When you drink again will you cheat again?  If they are cold or mean to you in a month, will you use it as an excuse to cheat again?  So what you can do instead is to be an adult and to accept responibility.  Take full blame.  Do not give weak excuses to your mate.  You can learn a full system for how to get your ex back here.

Instead of weak excuses, you can say something like “I know I broke your trust in me, and I’m so sorry that I did this and made you feel so hurt…”

This is an adult way to begin to repair the damage to their trust.  Hearing responsibility being taken like that allows us to see that maybe they understand what they did wrong.  It helps lay the foundation for forgiveness.  Just like when you catch your kids screwing up, if they lie about it you just get more angry.  But if they apologize and own it, you can more easily begin to forgive.

There is a lot more to the art of getting your ex back after infidelity, but this is a good start!  Go here for a free course on Get Relationship Help.

Doing just a few things you can enhance your love life.  Just paying attention to these three secrets can transform the quality of your relationship starting today.  More detailed information on all of this is available in a free relationship course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Learned In School.

Top Practice Number One:  Play!  Research studies have demonstrated that the more play in a relationship, the less fighting.  So if you are fighting a lot, play more, and test this out for yourself.  Just a few minutesa day of having fun with your partner can begin to change the feel of your whole relationship.

You got into a relationship in the beginning to have someone to play with, didn’t you?So make it a priority to have some fun time with your lover!

Top Secret Number Two:  Get Better At Conflict.  Look, conflict is gonna happen in any long term relationship.  How you manage and deal with the conflict is the key to having a better relationship.  During conflict we all tend to revert emotionally to 7 year olds, but screaming at your mate or expressing contempt are some of the big trouble signs for a partnership.

As you will be arguing with your love from time to time anyway, it is good to start now to take some time to learn how to deal with conflict in healthy ways.  One easy way is to learn to attack less during a fight and use “I” statements rather than “you” statements to discuss how you feel.  You can get some free training on conflict and Emotional Intelligence here.

Top Practice Number Three is to Minimize the Mind Reading.  Your spouse can’t read your mind.  They don’t actually just know what you want and need.  Appreciate this and help them out by asking for what you want.  If you want something or need something from your mate, ask for it.  If you need them to just listen instead of give you their advice, ask for that as well.

By asking for what you need, you can prevent a lot of fights and sulking.Additionally, you can teach your partner to ask for what they need so that both of you are not expected to be mind readers.  That’s being a good partner.

There is obviously a lot more to each of these three topics.  Books have been written on them.  But spending some time and effort on these three principles will pay off for your relationship over the long term.  If you’d like to learn more about Relationship Intelligence to transform your love life, you can fix relationship problems with a free course.

You’ve broken up with your ex.  A little time has passed and now you want to get your ex back.  What relationship advice can help? Learning some more about these topics can help: Relationship Intelligence can help in lots of ways.

During your break up, feelings of anger or hatred or sadness replaced feelings of love and closeness, right?  You started feeling angry or betrayed instead of loving and intimate.  That’s why you fought and had a break up.  This happens every day all over the world.

But after a short while you started to have feelings of regret and you began to miss those feelings of softness and closeness you had with your mate.  What is happening is that your hurt and bad feelings are changing.  This is an important thing to note about emotions.  Angry, hurt feelings aren’t set in stone.  Feelings change.

You understand this from your own life experiences.  You’ve been mad at somebody at work and after a day or two the anger diminishes.  You’ve been sad about something that happened to you and again, after just a day or two, it goes away.  This is important Emotional Logic to notice.  Feelings shift and are in flux for all of us.

You know this first hand.  While you were breaking up with your ex, you were angry or very hurt and sad.  Now, those feelings are being replaced, shifting back to desire and longing for the closeness and connection you had with your mate.  Now you want to give it another go.  Your feelings have shifted.  It seems obvious, but the point is important:  feelings change.

However, some feelings can take a while to change.  They can get stuck.  If your ex doesn’t want to get back together with you, then they are still stuck with feelings of hurt or betrayal.  For example, if you cheated on your ex, this brings up strong feelings in them that are hard to deal with.  Your ex is likely still filled with powerful emoitons like sadness and shame or rage.

How then can you use Emotional Logic to help you to get back with your ex?  One simple important thing you can do is to help them to get their negative feelings released and resolved. Help them to “vent” these feelings and get them off their chest.  You did this by asking them in varioius ways how they feel about whatever you did that triggered the break up.  “How are you feeling about what happened?”  Then be silent and let them start to vent or spill their hurt feelings out.  Listening is an important step in or to Get Your Ex Back In Hours.

Do not argue with them or try to explain yourself endlessly.  Let them do all the talking, you listen.  That way, you avoid more arguing.  Make them right, whatever they say, for just these few minutes.  After a short time of venting, your ex will often begin to let go of the charge they have about what happened.  Then, they can begin to start to feel better about you!

There is more to this process, but supporting your ex in “spilling” and releasing their negative feelings can be a vital part in getting them to take you back into their life.  Feelings change, and you want to help their negative feelings change as fast as you can!

You can get a free course here about the specific steps to making up with your ex